Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
