I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
