have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
