I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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