They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
