dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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