if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
