I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
