if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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