I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
