Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
