There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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