Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
