At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize