The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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