my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
