I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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