I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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