I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
