the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
