Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
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