Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
