if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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