I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
