you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
