it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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