Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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