okay pat passed out under dana's car
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
