We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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