i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
