for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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