The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
