I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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