wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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