I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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