coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
