my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize