I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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