So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
