At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
