theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
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