how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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