sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
