Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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