i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
