I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
