highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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