I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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