he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
