Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
