My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Randomize
