I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
