he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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