She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
