Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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