Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
