Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
