Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
