Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
