u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
