just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
