I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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