the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
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Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
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Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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