Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
