I hate your face
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
