I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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