so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
