She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
